Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
