I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
