Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
