I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
