real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
