If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Even my vagina gasped.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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