Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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