I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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