Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
