this beer tastes like vomit already
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
