Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
