let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
