I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
