Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
