I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
