i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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