the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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