he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
