I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this will be a night to untag.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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