I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
