okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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