Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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