the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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