i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
