i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
