Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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