i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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