I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
