Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
