omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
