somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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