I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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