Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
