Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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