as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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