he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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