we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
