i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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