All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
