Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
