I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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