I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
