did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
