Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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