med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
