There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
