I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
