3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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