My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
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Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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