Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
