We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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