Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
