Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
