Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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