Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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