He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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