She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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