This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
