Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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