ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
