we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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