i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
