the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
