I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
