You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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