We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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