I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
