Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
